Invalidating Environments

Invalidating Environments


Question:
I don’t like going to my therapist. She just argues with anything I say. She’s not on my side and hate even seeing her anymore. She invalidates everything I say. Her behavior makes me very uncomfortable. What should I do?


Answer:
It sounds to me like your therapist is no longer helpful to you. My old therapist used to tell me that I should see medical providers as my employees. After all, I'm paying their salary. If my employees are not performing as I wish them to, then they need to be given notice that they are in danger of being fired. If their unacceptable behavior continues, you will have to terminate them.

I encourage you to turn this situation around. You are in charge! You pay her, not the other way around. I encourage you to find a way to communicate your discomfort with her behavior.

Can you write down what you expect from her as a therapist? Also write down the behavior you do not like. Then write the behavior you absolutely will not tolerate any more.

Maybe she will respond, maybe not. If she just becomes angry and obstinate, then I think she is not a good therapist for you. I'm not a professional counselor; I suffer with mental illness like you. But it seems you need to take drastic measures. Don't be a victim. Stand up for yourself.


When I am faced with difficult situations like you describe, I practice mindfulness because I know I need to become centered. I let the Universe (or God) know that I am in need of a better situation and trust that the right thing will come. I try to keep this in my mind as I go about resolving the situation.

I also encourage you to utilize the distress tolerance skills. Sometimes you might need the opposite to emotion action, where you wait before reacting. You could also try using the interpersonal effectiveness worksheet #6. It might help you to sort out how to ask for what you need.

Lisa

[DBT Self Help] [What is DBT?] [DBT Skills (defined)] [Connecting Skills] [DBT Lessons] [DBT Video Text] [Everyday DBT] [Instant Mindfulness] [Instant Access DBT] [Links] [About this Website]

© 2003 - 2012 by Lisa Dietz. Please read the Copyright Page to learn how you may or may not use these materials.