With New Year’s fast approaching, it can be a stressful time of year. The forced cheer, long stretches of time spent with family or friends, emotions running high, memories of times gone by, anticipation of the year to come, etc, can all conspire to make what is supposed to be a joyful celebration something much more unpleasant. Luckily, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills can really help, and I wanted to share some of the ones I will be using myself over the next few days.

PLEASE

In my opinion, this skill really is the foundation of a lot of emotional regulation skills. When I first learnt about it, I was amazed at how simple it is (at some level, I think we all know that we need to treat physical illness, eat well, avoid mood-altering substances, prioritise sleep and exercise), but as I quickly learned, it is far from easy to implement consistently every day. However, these things are crucial in managing emotions, which are sure to be running high anyway at this point in the year. We’ve all experienced losing our temper because we were exhausted or ravenous with hunger. Attending to your PLEASE skills can often help to prevent these types of blow-ups from happening in the first place. However, with a lot of celebrations centering around copious amounts of food and drink, it can be hard to eat in a balanced way or moderate the consumption of mood-altering substances like alcohol. What I’d suggest is to try your best and practise self-compassion if things go wrong. It might not be possible to consistently do each of the five sub-skills perfectly – I know it often isn’t for me, even on a regular day! – but anything you can do will help to keep you in a more Wise Mind headspace.

Cope Ahead

This is another emotion regulation skill that is immensely practical and helpful, especially at this time of year. It can often be a very triggering time, for all kinds of reasons: missing loved ones who are no longer able to celebrate with you; thinking back over the year gone by; fretting about the future; feeling alone, etc. A skill like Cope Ahead is great, therefore, as it allows you to anticipate the difficulties you might encounter and crucially, imagine yourself handling them really well. And it’s not just about coping ahead for difficult situations: it also can be coping ahead with difficult feelings, whether that’s loss, nostalgia, anticipation or even an overabundance of excitement. In using this skill, imagining coping well with difficult circumstances, you show yourself that you are more capable than you thought and it helps to mentally prepare you for any challenges you might face. It’s also a great way of flagging to yourself the skills you might want to have in mind or the resources you might need (e.g. a self-soothe kit or an app on your phone reminding you of DBT skills, etc) for particular events. A key part of this skill is to relax afterwards, so don’t forget to build that into your Cope Ahead practice. Hopefully all this preparation means that you feel ready to deal with whatever comes your way!

STOP

Whilst I always hope that I won’t need my distress tolerance skills, I know that this time of year can often be a catalyst for extreme emotion mind and increased distress, and this is why I love the STOP skill. Unlike some of the other distress tolerance skills where you might need to leave the room or get something (not always ideal if you aren’t comfortable with others knowing about your use of DBT skills), the STOP skill is something you can do anywhere, anytime, without any props or fanfare. I particularly like that it invites me to think what ‘proceeding mindfully’ would look like. A big family gathering might not be the best time to call out someone’s questionable behaviour, even if they were in the wrong. But equally, you might decide, in Wise Mind, that you want to address that at another time, when it’s a bit more appropriate. The STOP skill allows you to slow down and gives you choices about how to do things differently, rather than simply being beholden to emotion mind and its immediate demands.

The ‘What’ and ‘How’ Skills of Mindfulness

Often, with these types of events, we can get so wrapped up in our emotions and thoughts that it can be quite hard to enjoy the moment and be present, even if we’re having a good time. The ‘What’ and ‘How’ skills of mindfulness invite us to be present and fully engaged in whatever we’re doing, and this can be a great antidote to ruminating about the past year or worrying about what’s to come. Although all the ‘What’ (Observe, Describe and Participate) and ‘How’ skills (One-Mindfully, Effectively and Non-Judgmentally) could be useful at a New Year’s gathering, I think the ones that could be particularly helpful here are Participating and Non-Judgmentally. Participating is all about throwing yourself into whatever it is you are doing, almost becoming one with the situation, without trying to shape it or change it. When you add this to Non-Judgmentally (trying to not evaluate things as good or bad, but just accepting them as they are), it can be a powerful and novel way to approach these events, which can lead to increased enjoyment and, maybe even, fun!

However you’re celebrating, I wish you a peaceful, enjoyable and skillful 2026!