Throughout the parts of my 44 years that I can remember, I have always tried to race to the finish line.
What do I mean exactly?
Let’s begin with summarizing a book report to make it look like I read the book, whilst expecting to get an A. Doing the bare minimum and expecting praise, to be seen as the best. Comparing myself to others and hating that person instead of learning from them. Hearing my diagnosis and in the next breath finding a podcast or book or a medication that’s “going to fix everything.”
These descriptions might not seem like they go together. However, they are all rooted in shame. This is the most debilitating part of my mental health journey. I desperately want to listen better, slow down, and realize what my relationships need.
I also drown in the “ifs.” If I fix the thing I’m getting feedback about and fix it immediately, or apologize 5 times, that person will forgive me and not leave me. I have inhabited that space for so long that I believed it is my only identity.
Recently my therapist showed me a DBT acronym I hadn’t seen yet. Wise Mind ACCEPTS.
- Activities: Use positive activities you enjoy
- Contribute: Help out others in the community
- Comparisons: Compare yourself to those less fortunate (or to another time in your life, as DBTSelfHelp.Com suggests!)
- Emotions: Make yourself feel something different by provoking humor or happiness
- Push away: Temporarily focus on something else
- Thoughts: Force yourself to think about something else
- Sensations: Do something that has a strong sensation like a take a cold shower or eat spicy food.
This is a take on some of the other more common ones. However, this stuck to me because “Turn the mind” has always been been my goal skill.
So now when I start IF’ing myself, or catastrophizing, I pick a letter and go to work.
I have also seen incredible results in my ability to recognize myself, and has increase my own self worth!
Be encouraged, friends, you are not a series of mistakes, you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Wrap your arms around that whenever you can.
About the Author
Earlier this year, I nearly lost everything, my family, my marriage and my career. To this point I had been living with BPD, snd I didn’t even know , I was repeating the trauma of my childhood and expecting everyone to live to please me. I was fortunate to find The Center: A Place of Hope, rather it found me. I truly met myself there, learned the DBT existed and I have been learning to love myself and be the best version of myself ever since. I hope the stories I share, will encourage your journey, and remind me that I’m still journeying myself. – Greg Norris
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