Troubleshooting IE Skills

DBT Self Help - Letting Go

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy‘s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships while being respectful of yourself and others. Interpersonal relationships can be very challenging when you are also dealing with unstable emotions.

Sometimes our interpersonal effectiveness skills just aren’t working. But why? There are a number of reasons that might be and that’s exactly what this skill is for. However, remember that the only person you can control in an interpersonal situation is yourself. You could be the most skillful you’ve ever been in your life and the other person might still not act how you want them to. Not everyone is at the same skill level as you are, even if they’re not in treatment or recovery. That being said, let’s discuss ways to troubleshoot your own skill use.

Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Do I have the skills I need?
    1. This means reflect on whether you’re using the relevant skills and using them correctly.
  2. Do I know what I really want in this interaction?
    1. Reflect on your goals in the interaction. Are you undecided? Are you unsure of your priorities? Are you having trouble balancing your black-and-white thinking? Are emotions like fear or shame getting in the way?
  3. Are short-term goals getting in the way of long-term ones?
    1. Are you leading from emotion mind or from Wise Mind?
  4. Are my emotions getting in the way of using my skills?
    1. Are you at your skills breakdown point?
  5. Are myths, worries or assumptions getting in the way of my skills?
    1. Are you focusing on bad consequences?
    2. Are you thinking about how you don’t deserve whatever outcome you want?
    3. Are you stuck in a negativity loop of insulting yourself?
    4. Do I believe interpersonal effectiveness myths?
  6. Is there an environmental reason I can’t get what I want?
    1. Is there a power imbalance between yourself and whom you’re asking?
    2. Are other people in control of the situation?
    3. Will what I want hurt other people or cause them not to like me?

Relationship Effectiveness: GIVE

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy‘s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships...

Self-Respect Effectiveness: FAST

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy‘s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships...

Skills for Finding Potential Friends

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy‘s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships...

Factors Reducing Interpersonal Effectiveness

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy's Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships...

How to End Relationships

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy‘s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships...

Interpersonal Cheerleading Statements

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy‘s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you get what you need from your relationships...

Additional Resources

Mental Health Resources

We aren't the only mental health resource out there. Check out these books, websites, social media accounts, and more for additional support. Read More

DBT Flashcards

Making DBT skills second nature takes practice. Use these flashcards on their page, download your own to print out, or purchase our pre-made set from our shop. Read More

DBT Encyclopedia

DBT has its own lingo which can be hard to understand for beginners. Visit our homemade DBT Encyclopedia to figure out what a term means. Read More

Mindfulness Exercises

Mindfulness practice is key to DBT. You don't have to meditate in silence everyday, though. Try these Mindfulness exercises to guide you. Read More

Diary Cards

Diary cards help track your emotions, urges, behaviors, and skill use. They help you see patterns. Learn how to use them and get samples. Read More

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