In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are designed to help you interact with other people effectively. These interactions are not always easy. Everybody has some worries about standing up for themselves, expressing opinions, and saying no. Some of these worries are based on myths about interpersonal behavior. There are lots of myths floating around out there but thankfully they aren’t true. Challenging these myths will help you become more confident in your interpersonal interactions.

There are two ways to counteract these myths
1. Try to argue against them logically
2. Experiment out in the world to see if they are true

These techniques are called “cognitive modification” and can be really useful in helping people to do things that they really want to do, but are afraid to do.

Practice

Challenging Myths about Interpersonal Effectiveness

1. I can’t stand it if someone gets upset with me.
Challenge Statement:
It may be uncomfortable, but I don’t need their approval. I can stand it. I can tolerate the disapproval. Life goes on.

2. If they say no, it will kill me.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

3. I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

4. If I make a request, this will show that I am a weak person.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

5. I must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

6. I have to know whether a person is going to say yes before I make a request.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

7. Making a request is a really pushy (bad, self-centered, selfish, immoral) thing to do.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

8. It doesn’t make any difference; I don’t care really.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

9. Obviously, the problem is just in my head. If I would just think differently I wouldn’t have to bother everybody else.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

10. This is catastrophe (is really bad, is terrible, is driving me crazy, will destroy me, is a disaster).
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

11. Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do.
Challenge Statement _________________________________________________________________________

12. I should be willing to sacrifice my own needs for others.
Challenge Statement __________________________________________________________________________

13. Write your own myths and come up with challenge statements.